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Ask Dr. G Love: Super Shy to the rescue

Hi Dr. G Love,

I don’t know what to do about this woman who has been plaguing my dreams for a while now. We’ve talked over the phone for the last 2 yrs or so. She is gorgeous and smart. And she is many states away so although we’ve talked about getting together before it never came to fruition. We’ve always talked on a platonic & friendly level until this summer. She started calling me very regularly asking me to come visit specifically the weekend of Pride. She also made it very clear what her intentions were… very clear lol. She’s somewhat new to the life and is very curious about all things “lesbian sex”and she wants to be taught a few things by me. In principal, I’m more than happy to oblige but truthfully I am scared to meet her. I talked my way out of that one but now she wants to visit me. Problem is I am in a voluntarily single/building my self-image phase. I keep thinking what if she isn’t feeling me? Am I good enough? I was comfortable being flirty over the phone or online. But now… I have mentioned my hesitation but she told me I am taking it too seriously and that she just wants to meet–no expectations. Am I overreacting? I mean I am not opposed to casual sex (so long as it’s safe) I guess I just prefer that she has more interest in me than just that. Especially because I truly do like her–she might be thinking the exact opposite at this point. Have I stressed that I am working against a self-esteem issue here? I really would like your input.

-Super Shy

Dear Super Shy,

No, you’re not overreacting. This is serious stuff. Finally meeting someone in the flesh after the safety of a long distance flirtation can be seriously scary. Especially if you have been in the lovely little insular cocoon of a single phase and focusing on your self-image building. Ultimately only you know if you are ready to unveil this Self you have been working on. I suspect that you ARE ready, or you would not be flirting with some sexy girl and writing me for advise.

So, with that said, I suggest you embrace the SUPER in Super Shy and trust that you are perfect and beautiful in this moment of your personal evolution. We are all constantly revamping our self esteem and self awareness. Even when we’re in Extroverted Fabulous mode. It is part of life. The project of evolution- it seems – is never ending. So if you wait til you’re done evolving, I fear you may be in the grave, my dear. I mean honestly what’s the worst thing that could happen? You two meet and don’t hit it off? Join the club.

Love thyself!
Dr. G Love

Dear DOCTOR G LOVE,

There has been this cute coworker who I find to be sexy. We have done some flirting and have enjoyed talking at company parties. Recently I was sent to a conference along with another person from the company. I was excited to hear that the company also sent her. The conference went ok. I was happy because I got to spend more time with her. We hit it off and ended up having sex the night after the conference. I liked it a lot. I enjoyed her scent, the smoothness of her skin, touching and being touch by her, and being with her sexually. We have returned back to the workplace and have not mentioned anything about what happened. I would like our relationship to continue. How should I go about letting her know? What advice do you have about workplace relationships?

Cheers,
Eric

Dear Eric,

The first thing that crosses my mind is what kind of relationship would you like to continue? Purely sexual? A friendship? A courtship? This – you must first be clear about before you approach your co-worker. Now, workplace relationships can be very tricky and also can be very fruitful. One of the main tricky points with mixing business and pleasure is what do you do if/when you break-up? If the relationship becomes messy – work becomes messy. If for instance, jealousy and madness breaks out in the relationship (a common occurrence) are you both ready to deal with the repercussions at work? Just some food for thought.

On the flip side, having a sexual partner nearby and working with you all day can turn an ordinary work day into the stuff of fantasy. You suddenly find yourself smiling at the people you hate most, laughing at the stupid chain emails you get, and surfing all the relationship horoscope sites. This can really help to pass the time. But again, you must be clear about what you’re interested in and then propose it to her. Clearly and honestly. You can send her a letter, or ask her on a date, call her on the phone, something. Either way, a workplace relationship should be one with open and clear lines of communication and the ball is in your court to approach your co-worker and let her know how you are feeling. I’m sure she will appreciate it.

Good Luck,
Dr. G Love

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